Many people struggle with anxiety. Are you one of them? Here are some of my top tips for managing anxiety, which I often share with clients.
1. Understand Anxiety
The first step in learning to manage your anxiety is to befriend it. Yes, befriend it! And you cannot befriend someone you don’t know. People who live with anxiety often perceive it as an enemy to be defeated. However, once we look at anxiety from a scientific perspective, we will see that anxiety is there to keep us safe. It is essentially our friend.
Briefly, anxiety is a normal response of our nervous system to a survival threat in our environment. That threat can be real – like a bear running toward you – or a perceived threat – you have to give a public presentation. If our brain perceives it as a threat, our body is hardwired to react to keep us safe by preparing to fight, run away or play dead (aka fight, flight, or freeze response).
There are many free resources available on the Internet that explain the anxiety mechanism in more detail. You can check out my Resources page for some suggestions.
Many people who experience anxiety find immediate comfort and relief in the understanding that they are not “abnormal,” that everyone experiences anxiety from time to time, and that their body does exactly what it is supposed to do. So go ahead, get to know your anxiety!
2. Recognize Your Triggers
The next step is to recognize your specific triggers – the specific situations or thoughts that provoke your anxiety. The best way to do it is to observe yourself, as if from the outside (like an anthropologist observing a new culture), and, if possible, record your findings.
What happens right before your anxiety spikes? What’s your reaction? Are there any specific thoughts that race through your head? Where do you feel your anxiety in your body? Is it in your chest? Are you feeling weak in your knees? Does your throat close? Or, perhaps, you feel like you cannot move at all.
Carry a small notebook with you and, when you have a moment, write down your experiences. The best way to do it is to break your record into three parts: what triggered me, how I responded, and what helped me to feel better. Once you’ve collected enough information about your experience with anxiety, you can use this information to get a better handle on it.
3. Learn Deep Breathing
Once you know your triggers and have a sense of what tools you already use to manage your anxiety (believe me, everybody has some!), learn a couple of simple deep breathing and relaxation techniques.
Remember that anxiety is an immediate response to a real or perceived danger. When survival is at stake, there is no time to think, that’s why it may not be very effective to try thinking yourself out of anxiety. The most effective “first aid” for anxiety is working with your body directly and deep breathing is one of the most accessible ways of doing it.
With your eyes open or closed, inhale slowly through your nose, imagining that you are inflating a balloon in your belly. It can be helpful to put your hand on your stomach and feel it expand as you are inhaling. Hold your breath for a second and then exhale through your mouth very slowly. You can imagine that you are blowing a huge bubble as you are exhaling. Some people find it helpful to count to seven when inhaling, and to eleven when exhaling.
The long and slow exhale is sending a direct signal to your brain and nervous system that you are not in immediate danger and your body will relax. Practice deep breathing whenever you have a moment throughout your day, and next time anxiety visits you, you’ll be more equipped to manage it. There are many free resources and animated timers available online to help you practice deep breathing.
4. Take Care of Yourself
It is important to have the tools to manage anxiety when it arises, and it is equally important to take a more systemic approach to your well-being. If you have a car, then you know that it is important to have insurance and know what to do when you have an accident, and it is equally important to take your car for regular maintenance. It is the latter that ensures smooth driving most of the time.
The same counts for humans: if we do not take good care of ourselves on a regular basis, we will have more “accidents” – more regular and intense encounters with anxiety. When your physical, mental and emotional resources are depleted, it becomes more challenging to navigate anxiety. So regular maintenance is key to managing your anxiety!
Make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, and stay active. And remember, you are not striving for perfection, you are not trying to be like a new car every day. Take a gentle walk, go to sleep half an hour earlier, read a novel rather than looking at social media before bed, drink an extra glass of water, remember to have breakfast, take a deep breath. And you are already feeling better!
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Now that you have some tools to manage anxiety, let’s go back to point number one. If you understand anxiety, you will remember that it is a normal part of life, and you will probably feel anxious from time to time. Otherwise, you are not human!
Being human means being imperfect, it means trying and failing, and trying again, and moving forward even when clouds obstruct the sun, moving forward with an understanding that sun is not gone and will be back once the clouds have passed.
In times when you feel like your anxiety is bigger than you, that you will never be able to feel better or do things you want to do in life because of anxiety, when you get down on yourself for not taking better care of yourself or not being diligent enough, when you feel that you are not worthy, it is time to practice self-compassion. This could have actually been tip number one: learning to live with anxiety begins and ends with self-compassion.
Self-compassion is simple in theory but can be challenging in practice as we tend to be our worst critics. When anxiety visits you and you are feeling lost, imagine what you would do if it was happening to a child or to your best friend. Be gentle in how you speak to yourself, allow yourself some space without the pressure of doing something about it.
From a place of gentleness and kindness, with your eyes closed or open, place your hand on your heart and say to yourself: “I am experiencing anxiety, I am human, I am okay even when I feel this way.” Then add: “May I be gentle with myself, may I be kind to myself, may I be loved even when I fail, may I find forgiveness for myself.” You can add whatever you feel like you need to hear in that moment and notice how it feels to experience self-compassion. Use this practice whenever you have a free moment throughout your day. You can also check out my Resources page for some suggestions on learning more about self-compassion.
6. Build a Support System
When we are struggling, we often feel that we have to do it alone because we feel ashamed, or we do not want to “burden” our loved ones and friends with our “problems.” These are some common beliefs that keep people from seeking support.
Remember that everyone experiences anxiety at some point, so you are not alone, and you will benefit from sharing with trusted others about your experience. Humans are social creatures, and we best regulate our emotional states through connection with other people. Try opening up about your experiences with your loved ones, family, trusted friends, and see how that feels. You can also join a local or online anxiety support group.
If you struggle with managing anxiety on your own or experience severe anxiety or panic attacks, it may be time to speak to your doctor and consider seeking support through counselling or therapy, which have been shown to be effective in helping people navigate anxiety and learn to befriend it.
I have experience working with adults, teens, and children who live with anxiety. If you are ready to embark on your healing journey, you can contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your counselling needs, address any questions you may have, and to book an appointment.
I am wishing you well on your journey!
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